Language II

The hustle of the city with the mountains in the back.

It is exhausting having to think all the time.  I am realizing how much is automatic for me at home as an adult American.  I am fluent in my native language so words come without effort.  I know not only the words, but how to approach people, and what to say, so that is fast and automatic, as well.  I know my way around, so I can drive home without paying attention to anything more than current road conditions.  I know how to read, so I don't think -- the words go from the page and are translated directly into ideas or thoughts or images.  But here!  I am sounding out words on signs as I walk, like a new reader, using context clues to guess at what they all mean.  I have to listen extraordinarily carefully to catch the general sense of a conversation, and then I've missed all the nuance.  To respond, I have to figure out what I want to say, think about what words I know to see what I am able to say, and then put the sentence together.  I have to watch the body language to figure out if the person is patient enough to bear through my slowness and lack of grace, but that, too, is not always familiar, so I have to pay close and constant attention.  I don't always know where I am going, so I am paying attention to my sense of direction, the sun, landmarks as I walk.  And right now, things are very much in flux:  what is on strike and what is not, opening hours, the level of risk in various neighborhoods in the city center, so I have to pay attention to the news and what friends tell me and make constant reevaluations.  I think the last time I had to attend to the details of everyday life like this was when I was Ellie's age, and everything was new, and there, I had my parents around me all the time to help guide me.  It makes me realize how very much becomes automatic as one grows up, and why little kids need so much sleep:  very little is automatic for them.  They have to pay attention all the time to learn to speak and read and get around.  It is exhausting to attend all the time to everything!  Maybe that is why kids need so much more sleep than adults.  Their brains are so busy.

I think maintaining that level of attention and its attendant exhaustion must be a very large part of the phenomenon of culture shock.  All the newness is exciting at first, and it is exhilarating to see things with such fresh eyes, but then the constant attending becomes exhausting.  It is only once enough of the skills  and habits of the new country's daily life become automatic so that one has achieved a beginning level of mastery, that the feeling of culture shock wanes.

The peace of a hideaway bar in the morning-glory